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01 June 2011 @ 12:01 am
Because I watch Majusuka Gakuen episode 7, which is about Choukoku
And senbatsu election makes everybody worried.

I think a lot.
But I never really say anything out loud about my idol.
But I feel like I NEED to since recently there are many things make me uncomfortable.

Warning: Contain spoiler for episode 7 of Mjsk2.


Ironically, my idol is most well-known for her scandal.
She let an old man stay over at her house.
And she resigned as captain.
And it was all over national news.

It was more than half a year ago, but nothing will ever be the same again.

I'm always proud of my idol, even when people said she's a stain on AKB image and she'll never be forgiven for that.
But I know my idol will be alright with her place in her group, because she's needed.
I'm pretty sure Choukoku in season 2 was written just for her.

Everybody said “Team K captain can only be Sayaka.”
And everybody congratulated her when she regained that captain title again.
I also congratulated her because that means now she can officially be credited for what she does.
But did anybody ever ask what does it means being a captain in the first place?

Being a captain doesn’t bring her into senbatsu.
Being a captain doesn’t give her any more screentime.
Being a captain doesn’t help her from not standing alone in handshake events.

Being a captain only gives her more work to do during practices.
Being a captain only gives her more responsibility to take.
Being a captain only gives her a chance to be told she’s the least popular member yet she’s a captain.

Then why being a captain?
Because members need her.
Because obviously management needs her to take that position.
And being a captain means that much to her.
Her existence is needed.

But have you ever ask,
Does she really want being a captain?
Is she really happy being a captain?
I don’t know. Obviously we don’t know.

I just knows Yuka and Sae said when Sayaka is in DiVA, when she’s not a leader, she’s much more relax and happy. She can always acts as she wants, being lazy, being selfish, being a spoiled child and being a normal weak girl like who she really is.

Being needed gives people strength to achieve their goal.
But being needed is also a burden.

When Majisuka 2 episode 7 aired with the title “Who are you fighting for?”
It’s obviously directed to Center and her growing process of becoming a true top leader.
It’s meaningless when you’re fighting just for the sake of fighting and winning.

But hardly anybody pay attention to Choukoku’s reason to fight though.
Choukoku doesn’t want to fight.
But she doesn’t have any choice.
If she doesn’t fight, her mother is dead.
If she fights and wins, she’s a traitor.
In both case, she’s still a loser. And it’s still painful.

Her mother needs her. And it gives her strength to fight.
But wining doesn’t necessarily means happiness.

DiVA debuted. Sae is almost center. Yuka has a clearly huge push.
I understand why.
And I didn’t really ask why Sayaka doesn’t have much spotlight or why she's not center even when she's clearly has a huge part in the creation of DiVA.
I understand business.

But from the moment they sent those 3 people to cheer her for the Tokyo Marathon, I already felt there was something not right. Until I watched the PV making of.
Yuka and Sae did say one thing.
“Sayaka, tomorrow, Tokyo Marathon, try your best! If you don’t finish the race, this unit won’t happen! We count on you!”
I'm sure Sae and Yuka just joked.
But seeing how Sayaka's feet was bandaged and she’s almost unable to move, for the first time in my life I really hate how she’s being needed.
She caused the trouble. She needed to take responsibility. But I don’t like how she’s the only one who needed to pay for it and it was used to be a push for another thing as well.

And I really hate to think about what would have happened if she hadn’t finished the race.
Obviously they still let them debut (who are you kidding, it’s business! They've been preparing for months!) but I guess they won’t get that much free promotion from her scandal. And obviously Sayaka’d once again be the one to blame for. Not by anybody, but herself.
I don’t even want to think about how much pressure she must have felt at that period of time.
It must have been one kind of a hell, both physical and mental.

Being needed sometimes only brings sorrows.
But the only thing she has now is being needed.

Sayaka is well-known.
But she’s not popular.

I remember in an interview, AkiP did say once:
“I don’t want AKB48 to be just highly recognized. I want AKB48 to be loved among their fans.”
Yes. Well-known and popular are two different things.

But what happens to Sayaka now is completely opposite to how AkiP wants his idols to be.

She’s regular on one of the most famous TV show.
She’s guest on at least one TV show every week.
She’s complimented for her variety ability.
She’s highly praised for her acting in musical.
She’s famous for her singing in AKB.
Her scandal made her face and name appeared on almost every morning news for almost a week.

To be honest, I don’t think she’s shafted. I think she’s been treating hella good compared to girls in the same popularity ranks. I can pretty say, if there’s any one who may have a future in showbiz world after AKB, Sayaka is one of them.

But she never sell out her lines in handshake events.
Even when it’s just an event with 4 DiVA members, she’s the only one doesn’t sell out any line.
A fan wrote letter to her telling how happy he was because her photos are so cheap, no one wants to buy them.
She hardly has any fans wrote mail to her radio show with Sae.
Her mixi ranking keeps going down and down.
Fans of other girls keep asking “Why is she unpopular but she keeps having so many jobs?” And so goes the story “She must sleep with someone again!”

In Entertainment magazine few months ago, they had a chart collected data from 100000 people aged from 10s to 70s.
Sayaka always in top 10 well-known members of AKB at all ages.
But when they're ask about members they're interested in (want to see, want to hear, want to read about), Sayaka is the member with the lowest rank among members whom general public knows.

And in the entertainer general chart, she's in the middle of the "star-zone" (Acchan, Tomochin, Mariko...) and the "out-dated-zone" (Morning Musume. aka everybody knows but no ones cares about anymore.)

If the amount of work you have rises together with ur popularity, there’s no problem.
But at one point, it seems like no matter what she does or says, it will never be enough.
I feels like it’s always the same: ”Oh, I know her. She’s good. So? I don’t care.”

The manager at the boxing club said to Choukoku:
“This world is really easy to understand. When there’s need for you, there’s money. When there’s no need for you, there’s no money.”

On Ukkari Channel, when talking about how she was informed about DiVA.
Sayaka said that for one moment, she thought they would tell her to graduate.

On AKBINGO! she said that recently she kept having dreams so she looked up its meaning.
The result: insecure.

I don’t know how she thinks or feels. But I think, for all this time, while she always smiled and said “I’m alright, I have to try harder!” she can never get the thought of being kicked out and not being needed anymore out of her mind.

People said that she’s weak and she’s not mentally strong enough to be a captain. Because she will break down right away whenever there’s sth happens.
Personally I think she’s a really strong person.
Not many people can stand through that scandal and how her career is not as peaceful as many others just because she’s different.

But it would be really sad if she only feels the value of her existence through how much she’s needed and carries the burden on her own.

To some people, senbatsu election is a way to show management who is popular and it means to define the girls’ future.
Personally I think senbatsu election is a way to show them how we love them.

In Waratte Iitomo studio talk, when they talk about senbatsu election, one of the regular did say:
“It would be really bad if you have many works but ur rank goes down.“
“But having many works also makes fans not voting for you. They would be like ‘She’s okay even if I don’t vote for her’ so they will vote for someone else.”

Who are we kidding? If management want to push, even if your girl is 100th, they still push. If not, even of she’s number 1, she’s still not center. Election is absolutely not a way to secure ur girl's career.

But being ranked means she’s loved.

To be honest, I’m okay with Sayaka not selected in senbatsu for all other singles.
While I’m not okay with her standing alone in handshake events.

But only for this election single, I want her to ranked in senbatsu.
Not because I want haters to “Shut up! See she’s not unpopular!”
Or because I wanted to see her in 0,3 second standing back-dancing at the last row.

You said Sayaka oshi are most annoying people.
“What are you complained about when your oshi was treated this good? And her future are pretty secured?”

I guess you will never understand this feeling because oshi is popular and she never has to stands alone in the lines looking people queuing to see your friends.
I guess you will never understand this feeling because when your oshi doesn’t have much exposure, you will never have to deal with the fact that even when she has this much exposure, she’s still unpopular.
I guess you will never understand this feeling because when your oshi is talented but she’s shafted, you will never have to deal with the fact even when she’s complimented for her abilities, people still don’t care about that.

I always remember how Sayaka said in one Waratte Iitomo studio talk:
- Doesn’t being 17th mean you’re always at the very back?
- Yes, but I always try dancing with my arms open wide. Because I think there’s still people who wants to see me.

Because I want her to know for sure.
People wants to see her there for who she is.
Not people wants to see her there for what she can do to others.

She’s not just there because she’s needed.
She’s there because she’s loved.
danny_alexdanny_alex on June 3rd, 2011 04:06 pm (UTC)
sayaka my oshi
Sayaka is my oshi. Ever since, and I already know AKB48, for 4 years. Admittedly, only a year or so, is that I started over those searching. But Sayaka was always that I always have.

While reading your text made me very sad. I did not know certain things that you say about the Sayaka. Especially the part of do not buy her stuff, and she was falling in the ranking of mixi.

I think the Diva, Sayaka is very prominent. Yes that Yuka has more solo lines, but following the Yuka, is Sayaka, and lost by only one or two. The Sae is logical that it would be downtown, but also think that between them share the center. (Taking the Umechan that look the most "hidden")

Relacção in the scandal. I thought I had passed. She was not the one to get involved in scandals. The previously Mariko enter too. But why have so many Anti Sayaka's? Sometimes I think the most anti are just jealous and afraid of the potential of Sayaka.

Not sure how to run the election, but I hope she can show her that she's anti still has a lot of fans who love her. (And Sae too, ok sorry, be always gives fans SaeYaka jokes about this)

But I liked the text, can you trasmintir what we fans feel. I think you should spread to the blog and forums, could you see that Sayaka is an amazing person, and needs to be loved.

BAMBOO: saeyakabamboobranch on June 5th, 2011 07:57 pm (UTC)
Re: sayaka my oshi
She said in her mobame once about that buying stuff thing.
You can always find mixi ranking posted in stage48.

There are gossips about other AKB members too (Mariko, Yuko...) but none of them was photographed, therefor they're only rumors and never made it into a scandal and shown on national TV like Sayaka's case.
I think a large amount of antis from Sayaka's scandal are ppl who went "Why other members just take purikura and was fired, but you are okay?" I think they meant Kikuchi Ayaka or many kenkyusei's cases.
I remember reading a comment on Sayaka's blog before: "Don't just take responsible as a captain! Take responsible as a member and quit AKB!" and there are also comments calling her "Gorilla makura" (makura is a slang term for people who do sex favor)

Uhm, this post is just my personal opinion, I don't mean to promote it widely in forum since it's not a discussion or something. But you can tell your friends if you want them to read it ^-^
scarlet_erza: pic#110973186scarlet_erza on June 5th, 2011 10:26 am (UTC)
I'm a pretty new AKB48 fan but I liked Sayaka right away. "What a beautiful woman." is what I thought. Though I couldn't like her as much as the others. I didn't knew enough informations about her. Here and there I heared about her scandal but I never knew what it really was about. Then I finally decided trying to gather informations about her because.. well I wanted to know more about her. Reading this post makes me respect Sayaka a lot. She has a good heart and gives of a kind aura. I hope all her hard work will pay off in the near future. She won a life-long supporter here.
I didn't think like that about the MG episode but now it really makes sense. Fits together way too good. I hope I'll be able to meet her one day. I want to tell her in person that she's a great woman.

Thanks for these informations and I totally agree with your opinion!
BAMBOO: saeyakabamboobranch on June 5th, 2011 07:59 pm (UTC)
I'm glad that this post can make you love Sayaka a bit more <3

Also, you like Sae? XD
scarlet_erza: pic#110982646scarlet_erza on June 5th, 2011 09:12 pm (UTC)
It sure does!

Haha.. yes Sae is my oshi. p:
ilubit on June 9th, 2011 03:06 am (UTC)
Hi. Random reader here ^^

Sayaka is my oshimen. She was the one who brought me into AKB48 18months ago. I remember being impressed by her simplicity in fashion on that fashion ep of AKBINGO!. Soon after, I started reading up on her (mainly through Saeyaka.com) and realised that she is one who is responsible, cares about her fellow members and although she looks strong on the outside, she is actually quite weak within. This tall and slightly boyish girl captivated me, and I started acknowledging her as my oshimen.
I was close to tears after reading your post because: 1. I felt sad and helpless at the situation that she is now. 2. I felt guilty as I have never once put myself in Sayaka's shoes, thinking about her feelings, thinking how she is coping with all this.
The scandal definitely did make a huge impact on her. Just like what you said, Sayaka is well-known to the general public due to her various exposures on varitey shows. But despite that, her handshake lines never get sold out.
Scandals have also hit other girls like Mariko, Yuko etc. but their popularity has never been hurt Several kenkyuuseis, including Ayarin have been kicked out due to boyriend relationships. Yes, photographic evidences are present in these cases, including Sayaka's case. I know some people will only believe what the photographs say since "seeing is believing", and take whatever Sayaka has to say for herself as bullshit. This whole incident has only made me believe that people are more forgiving towards the top-tier members, and take whatever lower-tier members say as crap, rubbish. And this, is just how cruel humans can be at times.

Mariko is also my oshi in akb. Her exposure in variety shows is also about the same as Sayaka, but just like what you said, she is one those the public will care about, unlike Sayaka. Both Sayaka and Mariko are well-known to the general public, but I know for sure that Sayaka's popularity will never outgrow Mariko's popularity. This is one fact that I know I must accept.
Despite all this, Sayaka will always be my number 1 oshimen. She is the one member whom I respect in akb (after Takamina) for her abilities and hardwork she put in. After all this events, she needs the support she can get from her fans. No matter what happens, I will always support Sayaka. Although I can only watch her from the side, and the number of things that I can do for her is limited, I will still support Sayaka.
Sayaka forever <3

P.S. Sorry for the long comment ^^;
BAMBOObamboobranch on June 9th, 2011 04:28 am (UTC)
thanks for your comment ;_;

I do feel so helpless sometimes since I don't live in Japan and I don't have much money to buy stuffs and so, but I do try as much as I can like commenting and tweet to tell her how much we love and support her, hope that can help even just a bit <3
osquishyosquishy on July 24th, 2011 09:47 pm (UTC)
oh dear
i started following AKB because of Sayaka, and i was upset and worried for her because of her scandal but after she regained her Team K status, i thought she would be okay.

Her handshake events don't sell out??? Is that true? Even now. This just feels so wrong.
BAMBOObamboobranch on July 25th, 2011 03:04 am (UTC)
Re: oh dear
yep, even now.

But it was from long ago already, Sayaka's handshake tickets not selling is like common sense among Japanese wotas. And she's always one of the those who sell the least handshake tickets :3
convenience93convenience93 on September 1st, 2011 05:17 pm (UTC)
I'm here to comment as I promised XD

Well as for me, I may have gotten more and more favourites...and people tend to question whether akimoto sayaka is my no. 1 oshimen because I don't normally spazz about her as much as some of the others...

But the truth is she really is my no. 1...I'm kinda more emotionally attached to her than a lot of people think...and it's quite difficult for me to put it into words. Even until now, I know Akimoto Sayaka is the AKB member I want to support the most. The one member that I know needs my love, our love, the most. Her insecurities, her vulnerabilities...even if it may be a weakness, I find it endearing. Despite everything she has gone through, in the end of the day, we know she's human...and I'm proud of her for being able to persevere and stand back up strong.

Of course she may be a tad too negative at times and I wish she would take things in a more optimistic manner...And I don't know about you...But I'm glad there's someone like Yuko who is good friends with her. I somehow always felt both of them in Team K have some sorta balance...

For example, when there's negativity emitting out of sayaka, I feel like there's yuko and her positivity to neutralize it. I also love how Yuko is always looking out for Sayaka and just being there faithfully by Sayaka's side. And of course the same goes to Sae who has always kept faith in Sayaka and was by her side through thick and thin.

There were really times I was scared for Sayaka...I was afraid that she may break...But I think with so many people who care about her by her side...Yuko and Sae in particular, I feel comforted that she has at least them to turn to...or them just being there for her. I really do love the relationship between the three of them.

Anyway I don't even know what this entire comment is about...just some of my random thoughts coming out...lol.